The One Serving Horror

Some days I do not know what “1 serving” looks like or how big “1 slice” of pizza really is. I used to think 1 slice of pie was 1/4 of the pie, when I read on the back of a box it was 1/16 I was appalled!  And let’s not talk about how much one serving of ice cream REALLY is…  isn’t it something like 1/2 cup.  I wanted to cry when I saw that.  I still remember when I first saw it.  I thought they were joking when the pint of ice cream said 4 servings. 

But the truth is, my mind is very warped when it comes to knowing what a serving of something is.  So, I weigh my food.  Especially protein, fruit, carbs/starches, grain and salad dressing.  Sometimes vegetables, but go-figure, I’m not as warped in my thinking about the serving size of vegetables as I am the other stuff.  My food scale, knows exactly how much 4 oz of brown rice is, or 4 oz of meat, or 4 oz of fruit, or 1 oz dressing.   Today, I am grateful I can count on my scale to tell me exactly what one serving is. 

Real tip — Ice cream is a weakness for me.  It was my #1 comfort food.  Creamy ice cream, and the thought of just having a mere 1/2 cup still saddens me.  That is why I don’t bring it in my house.  If I have any, I pay the price and eat it out, where someone else can just give me 1 serving and I’m done…  to this day, I cannot trust myself to give me 1 serving of ice cream.

Welcome to my past world – that still wants to occasionally haunts me

 

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The Food Plan meets the Social Event

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Social events!!!  I forgot how challenging these can be.  Since End of Sept I’ve attended two of them.  I stuck to my food plan but it was neither easy or comfortable.   Here is the part I have a track record of doing successfully. 

PLANNING:  Right now I am trying to lose the last 40 pounds (now 21 pounds).  I learned when I was losing 100 pounds, how important it was for me to plan my meals, especially if I’m going to be at an event during a meal time and/or where food is served.  Go in armed with a plan.  Both events, I planned what I was going to eat.   

Event #1 was a potluck.  I immediately offered to bring  vegetable or a salad.  I already know, potlucks I attend are usually loaded with starch and meat and very little vegetables (if any).  So if I was bringing the vegetables, the only left to question was my protein.  Scanned the sign up sheet and I saw, lasagna and wings.  I already knew lasagna was OUT —   no flour i.e.  no pasta.  For the wings — hmmm  deep down I knew they were going to be bbq wings.  But I convince myself that maybe it wouldn’t be.  And if it wasn’t I could sit and eat  and socialize with everyone else. BUT – just in case, I got a container put 4oz of  turkey patties and 4oz of  cut fruit in it an stuck in my purse.  Well the potluck started at 7:00.  Eating time was around 7:30.  By this time I am hungry. I scanned the table and except for my vegetable there was nothing else I could have.  The wings were cooked in bbq sauce, so I just left it alone, and put a lot of vegetable on my plate.  SO FAR SO GOOD..   But here is where the tough part comes.  I don’t like being different.  I was to scared to put my turkey patties and fruit on my plate with my vegetables.  I didn’t want people to notice I was eating differently.  I wanted to blend in.  So what did I do…   brace yourself… I ate my turkey patties and fruit in the bathroom.  As I’m writing it, I’m wondering what is the big deal eating something different in front of people.   I don’t know, all I know is teenagers are not the only ones who want to fit in with their peers.   The Good news, I stuck to my food plan – at the expense of eating in a bathroom (yuk!).

EVENT #2 — I remembered the bathroom incident and didn’t ant to repeat that.  This event was an all day class where lunch was being provided. I knew to bring my own lunch.  And it was good thing, because it was fried chicken with potato salad and pasta salad.  Okay, so I had my salad, I put it in a bowl and while everyone was in the eating area laughing, talking and socializing…  I found a secluded place to eat, because I didn’t want to bring attention to the fact I bought my own food.   Sanitary place time…  but I was lonely.  I didn’t mingle or socialize with anyone, and felt left out.   

Here is the moral to all of this jabber…  both events, I ate my planned meal.  I’m grateful for that.  I’m grateful that no matter what I chose to having planned healthy meal took a priority.  But this journey is not about what we eat.  This journey is about the priorities we make, the decisions we make, the sacrifices we make aside from the food itself.  The food just points us to the bigger issues we hide behind.  Issues like wanting to fit it, not wanting to be different, being in solitude or not.   Don’t get it twisted, this journey is about many more things besides food.  Food is just what directed us to the path. 

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Living by Faith

I have a long history of compulsively eating and overeating certain foods to ignore deeper problems that would overwhelm me without the extra food.

Yes, I desire to lose weight, but in addition to losing weight, I’d like to learn how do life and deal with life without sedating myself with food.  I’d like to learn to LIVE by a Faith in God.

Because of this long history the only barometer I have that lets me know I’m using food for nourishment oppose to a sedative, is my food plan.  My meals lined up with the plan.  When this happens I know to the best of my knowledge, whatever happens in my day I am LIVING based on a reliance of God.  When I add things to my food plan, even if it’s an extra piece of fruit – is at least a yellow light… and when the urge to continue outside of my food plan, I KNOW I am no longer eating for nourishment.  Today I am grateful for my food plan.  It is letting me know just how Good God Is – all by Himself.

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IT WAS NOT A GOOD ENOUGH REASON

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IT WAS NOT A GOOD ENOUGH REASON
Yesterday I left the house around 4:45 – didn’t get back home until after 9:00.  That was a pretty risky situation I put myself in.  I didn’t realize I was going to be gone that long, and not only did I not have dinner before 6:30, I was in Walmart at 8:30 looking at the snacks by the cash register.  “I need something to hold me over until I get home.”  That seemed like an excellent reason to grab a small bag of —— (don’t know which one, they all kind of blurred together)   But again, I am sooo glad I don’t have amnesia.  I thank God I don’t have amnesia.  Even though it was 8:30pm, I was not going to starve to death if I waited until I got home to have my meal.   I didn’t need a snack.  And it wasn’t a good enough reason to put myself through the torment that the small bag of —- brings.

Yes, 9:15pm was too late to eat dinner.  And I did adjust it, and had soup.  But I went to bed at peace.

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What will you do today that your future self will thank you for?

I am sticking to my food plan today.  I’m eating dinner before 6:30pm.   I’m talking to someone else to get a reality check on yesterday’s weigh-in.    NOTE:  Yes, it was still bothering me today, and fortunately after talking with someone else they assured me to relax and give my body a break – while I’m trying to lose weight I’m going through other changes as well.  I knew that, but hearing someone else say it helped me to laugh at myself.  

Why was this call something my future self will thank me for?  My future self needs me to learn how to handle mental taunts.  It affects my sanity, and it affects my food decisions.  These nagging taunts could’ve led to something that would’ve saddened my future self.   Thank God for friends who want to see me respond to situations with a high level of sanity!

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Today’s Weigh-In

scale makes you cry

My previous posts, I put directly only facebook, so you might have to look at my facebook page to catch up.

Here’s a recap…  End of Sept (I think it was 9/28)  I weighed myself and saw my weight loss was at 99 pounds.  Up until then, I could still say I maintained a 100 pound weight loss.  But when I saw it at 99 pounds, I got scared and mad.  I got mad at the devil.  I didn’t want to let him punk me out.  Something on the inside rose inside of me and declared – I’m not going out like that…  I am not going back to weighing over 300 pounds.  I am not going back to that life of misery only to add  shame to it.

I had been through weeks of eating peanut butter sandwiches and going back to get more peanut butter.  Eating different types of chips and not being able to stop myself from going back.  Eating white rice, straight out the pot for no reason.  Yes, I could still say I haven’t eaten sweets… but carbs were definitely getting the best of me.

Well, I got some help.  I asked someone to help me get back on track and with the accountability I was able to do so.  I was back to no flour, no sugar, and having 3 planned measured meals per day.

Week one I was ecstatic — I lost 8 pounds!!!  YAYYY.   Week two was encouraging — I lost 3 pounds YAYYYY.   Week 3’s weigh day found me on my cycle and bloated with hot flashes and I gained 2 pounds even though I was sticking to my food plan.  but I kept on track for the next week. And gratefully week 4 I lost 3 pounds. YES!!!  Okay, let me keep going.    I also tried to measure myself.  Never did that before, I’m certain I’m not doing it correctly because numbers were changing by the seconds…  hmmmm

So, here we are on week 5.  I stayed on track with my food plan.  And guess what…  I didn’t lose any weight.  Didn’t lose one single pound. YUK!!!!  I was disappointed.  I wanted to go into a pity party about all the food I didn’t eat… BUT I am so grateful, that LACK OF AMNESIA was stronger.  That’s right.  I don’t have amnesia of the nights that I wanted to stop eatting but couldn’t stop myself from getting more chips, or getting another spoonful of peanut butter.  I don’t have amnesia about hearing my son complain about eatting all of his bread, so now he doesn’t have anything left to make a sandwich.   It is those memories, that allowed me to throw the invitation to the pity party away, and re-look at how and what I ate last week.

I stuck to my food plan, but my meal times were off on many days.  There were some days I was eating dinner after 8:30 and one day as late as 9:15.  That’s the goal this week; dinner meal before 6:30pm – Ideally by 6pm.  Also, I’ve not exercised yet.  This week, I will at least look into joining a gym.  But for now, I will focus on the TIME of my evening meal.

3 measured meals, no flour, no sugar — that is still my story and I’m still stickin’ to it!

 

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DON’T QUIT — HANG IN THERE WITH ME

DON'T QUIT -- HANG IN THERE WITH ME

Yesterday is OVER Roll with today!

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